Jokes & Junk http://horologist.yuku.com/forums/16 en-us Copyright 2006, Yuku feeds@yuku.com (FeedMaster) webmaster@yuku.com (WebMaster) Fri, 02 May 2008 17:20:51 GMT Yuku Feeds 1.0 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 60 Yuku http://static.yuku.com//feed/bypass/images/button-yuku.png http://horologist.yuku.com/forums/16 Yuku - free hosted forums and profiles 88 31 {pics-1.1 "http://www.icra.org/ratingsv02.html" l gen true for "http://yuku.com" r (nz 1 vz 1 lz 1 oz 1 cz 1 ) "http://www.rsac.org/ratingsv01.html" l gen true for "http://yuku.com" r (n 0 s 0 v 0 l 0 )) Search Search Domain q http://yuku.com/search/direct/ <![CDATA[ Hooked on Phonics? ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1496/t/Hooked-on-Phonics-.html Little Johnny was five years old and just learning to read.

He and his mother were reading a book on animals when he pointed at one page and cried, "Look, Mommy! It's a frickin' elephant!"

His mother took a deep breath and said, "What did you say?"

"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! Look! It says so right here!"... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1496 Fri, 02 May 2008 17:20:51 GMT <![CDATA[ Blonde Joke No. 889. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1495/t/Blonde-Joke-No-889-.html Blonde Joke No. 889

"I have a problem," a blonde complained to her friend. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

"Don't you have a phone in your car?" asked the friend.

"That was too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1495 Thu, 01 May 2008 18:59:06 GMT <![CDATA[ Two Fast jokes. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1490/t/Two-Fast-jokes-.html Bad Humor

Two Quickies

1. The Pasta Diet

You walka pasta da bakery.

You walka pasta da candy store.

You walka pasta da ice cream shop.

You walka pasta da fridge...

Editor:... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1490 Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:01:15 GMT <![CDATA[ In The Family Way. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1486/t/In-The-Family-Way-.html In The Family Way

Consuelo, a Mexican maid announced to her boss, Mrs. Blanco, that she was quitting.

When Mrs. Blanco asked why, Consuelo replied, "I'm in the family way."

Mrs. Blanco was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who the father could be.

"Your husband and your son,"... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1486 Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:18:14 GMT <![CDATA[ Foolproof. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1475/t/Foolproof-.html It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious. ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1475 Thu, 03 Apr 2008 00:11:51 GMT <![CDATA[ Thankful. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1471/t/Thankful-.html Thankful


During a church service, a pastor asked the congregation if they had anything they wanted to share that made them thankful.

A woman stood up and said, "I'm thankful because two months ago, my husband had a terrible bicycle wreck. Jim's scrotum was smashed, he was in excruciating pain, and doctors didn't know if they... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1471 Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:56:13 GMT <![CDATA[ Some Famous Quotes! ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1459/t/Some-Famous-Quotes-.html --Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1459 Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:42:25 GMT <![CDATA[ Real Headlines. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1450/t/Real-Headlines-.html Real Headlines

Editor: The following headlines are all real headlines that appeared, at one time or another, in either real newspapers or on real news websites. Enjoy! Hehehe!

1. March Planned For Next August

2. Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip

3. Queen Mary Having... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1450 Sat, 15 Mar 2008 17:28:25 GMT <![CDATA[ Honey, will you marry... Oh. Never mind... ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1448/t/Honey-will-you-marry-Oh-Never-mind-.html

Reuters Honey, will you marry... Oh. Never mind...

Fri Mar 14, 10:48 AM ET

... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1448 Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:28:53 GMT <![CDATA[ Two Years Sitting Where? You Gotta Read This One! ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1443/t/Two-Years-Sitting-Where-You-Gotta-Read-This-One-.html Woman Sat on Toilet for Two Years
By ROXANA HEGEMAN,
AP
Posted: 2008-03-13 08:04:33
Filed Under: feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1443 Thu, 13 Mar 2008 12:19:57 GMT <![CDATA[ Life Begins At 50 Q & A. Most Likely It Over! ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1433/t/Life-Begins-At-50-Q-A-Most-Likely-It-Over-.html Life Begins At 50 Q & A


Q. Where can a 50-year-old woman find young sexy men who will be interested in her?

A. Try a bookstore …under fiction!

Q.What should a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A. Stay busy. Try finishing the basement. When you're done, you'll... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1433 Wed, 05 Mar 2008 00:40:46 GMT <![CDATA[ Politically Incorrect Humor. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1423/t/Politically-Incorrect-Humor-.html Politically Incorrect Humor


1. California Version

The latest telephone poll taken by the California Governor's office asked whether people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1423 Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:08:43 GMT <![CDATA[ An American Tourist In London. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1397/t/An-American-Tourist-In-London-.html An American Tourist In London

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1397 Thu, 07 Feb 2008 19:15:45 GMT <![CDATA[ The Famous Scratch It Lottery Ticket and the 911 Call. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1056/t/The-Famous-Scratch-It-Lottery-Ticket-and-the-911-Call-.html This is a HOOT. When someone gives you a Scratch It lottery ticket, make darn sure you wait until they are gone BEFORE you scratch it off. Or this could happen to YOU!:rollin

Stan... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1056 Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:40:48 GMT <![CDATA[ Deep Thoughts By Men While Fishing. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1057/t/Deep-Thoughts-By-Men-While-Fishing-.html
Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.


Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife -- she hasn't spoken to me in over two months."


Earl continues slowly sipping his beer. Then, thoughtfully says, "You better think it over -- women like that are hard to find." feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1057 Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:24:56 GMT <![CDATA[ The Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1058/t/The-Wit-and-Wisdom-of-Sam-Levenson-.html
Many of you may be too young to remember U.S. comedian Sam Levenson, he was popular from the 1940s through the mid-1960s. But Levenson said things that made sense and it would be a shame if they faded into oblivion, so here are a few of his "nuggets" worth assaying.



1. The first screw to get loose in your head is the one that holds your tongue in place.


2. You're only young once. After that it takes some other... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1058 Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:28:10 GMT <![CDATA[ Subtle Scottish Humor. What this all means we have no idea. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1059/t/Subtle-Scottish-Humor-What-this-all-means-we-have-no-idea-.html
An English doctor was being shown around a Scottish hospital. Near the end of his visit, he saw a ward of patients with no obvious injuries.


He started to examine the first patient, but the man proclaimed:


"Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face / Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!"


The doctor, taken aback, moved on to the next patient, who immediately said,


"Some hae meat and canna eat / And some wad eat... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1059 Wed, 23 Jan 2008 17:54:47 GMT <![CDATA[ Auto Parts and the 28 Ounce Water Pump. ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1060/t/Auto-Parts-and-the-28-Ounce-Water-Pump-.html


A woman called an auto parts store and asked for a 28-ounce water pump.


"What?" asked the confused parts guy.


She said, "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump."


"A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" asked the parts guy.


"A Datsun," replied the woman.


As the parts guy wrote down her request, a light went on in his head.


"Oh,... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1060 Wed, 16 Jan 2008 16:34:10 GMT <![CDATA[ The Kidnapping. Yet Another Blond Joke! ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1061/t/The-Kidnapping-Yet-Another-Blond-Joke-.html


A blonde in financial trouble decided to raise money by kidnapping a child.


She went to a park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree, and wrote this note: "I kidnapped your child. I'm sorry, but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the statue in the park by 7 a.m.. Signed, A Blonde."


She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.


The next morning,... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1061 Tue, 15 Jan 2008 17:07:26 GMT <![CDATA[ Things I've Learned In 2007! ]]> http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1062/t/Things-I-ve-Learned-In-2007-.html


1. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jack asses.


2. I've learned that you should never compare yourself to others -- they are more screwed up than you think.


3. I've learned that it is not what you wear, it is how you take it off.


4. I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.


5. I've learned not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) http://horologist.yuku.com/topic/1062 Mon, 07 Jan 2008 23:15:59 GMT