Antique Time American Horologist Message Board

A Scary Halloween Story.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:26:08 GMT

A Scary Halloween Story

A cabbie picks up a nun.
She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
"My dear son, you cannot offend me," the nun answers. "When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything....

The College Test.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:20:33 GMT

The College Test

A college class were told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The story must contain the following three components:
1) Religion
2) Sexuality
3) Mystery

There was only one A+ paper in the entire class. This is the A+ story:

"Good God, I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it?"

Grandma Hilton.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:55:14 GMT

Within the last hour we have lost a wonderful lady. Our Grandmother Hilton. Our hearts go out to her husband of over 57 years. Also to Jeannie, my son Kameron, Kam's sister Jessie, Kevin and Kevin's sister and many more grand children that are to numerous to list.

My prayers are with you all as well as my continued love for all of you.

Stan.

Happy Birthday To Joe.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:47:13 GMT

Just thought that I would take the time to wish you a very happy birthday. Hope to see you again soon in Thailand. Please tell Ploy hello for me.

Customer Complaint.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:37:47 GMT

We have received a customer complaint. This person sent us an old worn out watch band that was made out of stainless steel. The end piece was broken and one link was also broken and missing parts. After spending much time locating replacement parts the band was repaired. This band was for a very old Rolex of which there are simply no replacements available. We did our best and at a very reasonable price.

Sorry that we can't make everyone happy, even though we all...

No Enemies.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:52:20 GMT

No Enemies

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies". Toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. This time about 80 percent held up their hands. He then repeated his question again. All responded, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs.Jones?" inquired the preacher,...

Balloon Boy Saga. Parents in Balloon Case to Surrender.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:59:54 GMT
It is interesting to note that almost 100% of all bloggers thought this whole thing was a fake and nothing more than a publicity stunt. In the meantime, all live news programs followed this event live for about two hours. Bloggers had this whole story pegged as a total fraud from the very beginning. News anchors urged people to "pray" for the boy and celebs on Twitter urged the same. What a total sham.

Parents in Balloon Case to Surrender

Aliens Land On Earth.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:50:13 GMT

Aliens Land On Earth

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of them said to it, "Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The alien repeated the greeting. Again, there was no response.
The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray...

Signs You've Grown Up. Or Are Just OLD.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:06:46 GMT

Signs You've Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. 6 a.m. is when you get up, NOT when you go to bed.
4. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
5. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
7. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of...

Another Reason NOT To Use Social networking Sites Like Facebook and MySpace.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:49:09 GMT
http://timebuilder.livejournal.com/#post-timebuilder-5049

Gold surges to a record high as the Dollar crashes.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 02:08:46 GMT

Dollar falls as faith in Obama's ability to manage economy reaches all time low. Investors place funds in the gold market.

Gold surges to a record high as the Dollar crashes

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 at 8:50 am.

...

Funny Actual headlines.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:44:21 GMT

Actual Headlines

The following are actual headlines from real newspapers around the planet ... uhm ... with commentary ... more or less. Some of the headlines are a few years old. Enjoy! Hehehe!

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really? Nothing gets by these folks!]

2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now THAT's taking things a bit far!]

3. Panda...

More Mistranslations.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:15:32 GMT
I really liked the one found in a Bangkok hotel. These translations are actually rather funny when you think about them.

More Mistranslations

The following are from actual signs found in hotels and other venues in countries where English is not the main language. Enjoy, hehehe!

1. In Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we...

Postal Service. Eliminating Saturday Delivery Makes Too Much Sense.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:06:41 GMT

The Sixth Day:
Eliminating Saturday Delivery Makes Too...

The Wedding Test.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:00:21 GMT
This is way to funny......

The Wedding Test

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married..
There was only one little thing bothering me ... It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than...

POSTAL ROUTES IN MEDFORD AREA ARE CUT.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 01:07:53 GMT

8-18-09 9 POSTAL ROUTES IN MEDFORD AREA ARE CUT

Nine postal routes in the Medford area have been eliminated as part of a nationwide response to declining mail volume. The post office, which had 86 routes in Medford, Central Point and White City, now has 77. Eight Medford routes and one Central Point route have been consolidated into other routes. The changes were effective Aug. 15. Medford postmaster Anthony Plant said the sluggish...

eBay has now started its so-called Top Rated Seller program. Another eBay Joke.

feeds@yuku.com (Timebuilder) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:23:50 GMT

eBay has now started its...

Antique Time American Horologist Message Board

A Scary Halloween Story.

The College Test.

Grandma Hilton.

Happy Birthday To Joe.

Customer Complaint.

No Enemies.

Balloon Boy Saga. Parents in Balloon Case to Surrender.

Aliens Land On Earth.

Signs You've Grown Up. Or Are Just OLD.

Another Reason NOT To Use Social networking Sites Like Facebook and MySpace.

Gold surges to a record high as the Dollar crashes.

Dollar falls as faith in Obama's ability to manage economy reaches all time low. Investors place funds in the gold market. Gold surges to a record high as the Dollar crashes

Funny Actual headlines.

More Mistranslations.

Postal Service. Eliminating Saturday Delivery Makes Too Much Sense.

The Wedding Test.

POSTAL ROUTES IN MEDFORD AREA ARE CUT.

8-18-09 9 POSTAL ROUTES IN MEDFORD AREA ARE CUT

eBay has now started its so-called Top Rated Seller program. Another eBay Joke.

Dollar falls as faith in Obama's ability to manage economy reaches all time low. Investors place funds in the gold market.

Gold surges to a record high as the Dollar crashes